DarwinAwardwinnerseliminatethemselvesinanextraordinarilyidioticmanner,therebyimprovingourspecies'chancesoflong-termsurvival.
DARWINAWARDRUNNERS-UP:
#1-LOSANGELES,CA.AniSaduki,33,andhisbrotherdecidedtoremoveabees'nestfromashedontheirpropertywiththeaidofapineapple.Apineappleisanillegalfirecrackerwhichistheexplosiveequivalentofone-halfstickofdynamite.Theyignitedthefuseandretreatedtowatchfrominsidetheirhome,behindawindowsome10feetawayfromthehive/shed.Theconcussionoftheexplosionshatteredthewindowinwards,seriouslylaceratingAni.DecidingMr.Sadukineededstitches,thebrothersheadedouttogotoanearbyhospital.Whilewalkingtowardstheircar,Aniwasstungthreetimesbythesurvivingbees.Unbeknownsttoeitherbrother,Aniwasallergictobeevenom,anddiedofsuffocationen-routetothehospital.
#2-DerrickL.Richards,28,waschargedinAprilinMinneapoliswiththird-degreemurderinthedeathofhisbelovedcousin,KennethE.Richards.Accordingtopolice,DerricksuggestedagameofRussianrouletteandputasemiautomaticpistol(insteadofthemoretraditionalrevolver)toKen'sheadandfired.
#3-PHILLIPSBURG,NJ.Anunidentified29yearoldmalechokedtodeathonasequinedpantieshehadorallyremovedfromanexoticdanceratalocalestablishment.Ididn'tthinkhewasgoingtoeatit,thedanceridentifiedonlyasGingersaid,addingHewasreallydrunk.
#4-(16April1999,WashingtonD.C.)Wecanthankourluckystarsthattherearetwofewerparamedicsaround.CarolandMarkwerefounddeadintheirsuburbanhomebyMark's14-year-oldson.Thecouplewerewearingrespiratorymasksattachedtoanemptycanisterofnitrousoxide.Nitrousoxide,commonlyknownaslaughinggas,producesashort-livedhigh,andisoftenusedasarelaxantindentalofficesandoutpatientclinics.Likeeveryotherpuregas,itmustbemixedwithairoroxygen,lestitcausesuffocation.Needlesstosay,CarolandMarkdidnotmixthenitrousoxidewithair.WhatmakesthisstoryatrueDarwinAwardcandidateisthatbothofthedeceasedhadenoughmedicaltrainingtohaveknownbetter.Markwasa10-yearveteranparamedicwiththeDistrictofColumbiaFireDepartment.Carolwasstudyingtobecomeanemergencymedicaltechnicianinasuburbanfiredepartment.EvenmoreamusingisaquotefromtheWashingtonD.C.FireDepartment'spublicinformationofficer,whosaidthatMarkwasoneofthemosteducatedandhighlytrainedpeoplewehad.ThatmustalleviatetheconcernsofthousandsofD.C.residents!
#5-MOSCOW,Russia.AdrunksecuritymanaskedacolleagueattheMoscowbanktheywereguardingtostabhisbulletproofvesttoseeifitwouldprotecthimagainstaknifeattack.Itdidn't,andthe25-year-oldguarddiedofaheartwound.(It'sgoodtoseetheRussiansgettingintothespiritoftheDarwinAwards.)
#6-InFRANCE,JacquesLeFevrierleftnothingtochancewhenhedecidedtocommitsuicide.Hestoodatthetopofatallcliffandtiedanoosearoundhisneck.Hetiedtheotherendoftheropetoalargerock.Hedranksomepoisonandsetfiretohisclothes.Heeventriedtoshoothimselfatthelastmoment.Hejumpedandfiredthepistol.hebulletmissedhimcompletelyandcutthroughtheropeabovehim.Freeofthethreatofhanging,heplungedintothesea.Thesuddendunkingextinguishedtheflamesandmadehimvomitthepoison.Hewasdraggedoutofthewaterbyakindfishermanandwastakentoahospital,wherehediedofhypothermia.
#7-RENTON,WASHINGTON,USA.ARenton,Washingtonmantriedtocommitarobbe
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